


What’s simple in the moonlight, by the morning never is.

by vattenskalle



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cheating, M/M, Multi, i hope it makes sense to you, it does in my head but that doesn't really mean anything, or is it who knows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2013-12-16
Packaged: 2018-01-04 21:15:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1085768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vattenskalle/pseuds/vattenskalle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In my drunken, messed-up state, I do realize one thing. You look like a million dollars. <i>A fucking million dollars.</i> You also look concerned, as if this was your problem too. Hell, sure, partly it is. But you’re not the one with someone waiting up for you at home, someone to answer to, someone to hurt (or try not to hurt). No matter what happens, you can walk away from this. Me? That’s another story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What’s simple in the moonlight, by the morning never is.

**Author's Note:**

> This is not true. I don't know 1D. You know the deal.
> 
> This one means a very much a lot to me. Title is from the song _Lua_ , by Bright Eyes. ‘tis a very beautiful song.

We’re sitting next to each other on the pavement, shoulder to shoulder. It’s one o’clock in the morning and I’ve been crying. You don’t seem to mind.

Maybe you’re sitting a bit too close to me, considering the situation we’re in, but in a way I don’t care. I really don’t know if I give a shit or not. Everything blurs together when I try to sort things out.

In my drunken, messed-up state, I do realize one thing. You look like a million dollars. _A fucking million dollars._ You also look concerned, as if this was your problem too. Hell, sure, partly it is. But you’re not the one with someone waiting up for you at home, someone to answer to, someone to hurt (or try not to hurt). No matter what happens, you can walk away from this. Me? That’s another story.

“I’m sorry I put you in this situation,” you say. “I could talk to him if you’d like?”

“No, don’t. It’s not your job. And anyway, I highly doubt he’ll listen to you.”

You sigh. “Does he know where you are?”

“No.”

“So you just ran off?”

“Yeah.”

“I bet he’s worried.”

“Well, he shouldn’t have shouted at me then. Accusing me of, you know.”

Being into you. Accusing me of things that never happened. (But maybe they could happen? Maybe I want them to? I don’t know.) 

“Look, it’s okay, Lou. These things happen.”

“No, they don’t. Not in my world.”

I had met you through a friend, and we hit it off right away. I felt like we had known each other for years, when it had really just been a few weeks. To your defence, you didn’t know I was taken. I didn’t bother telling you, it just never came up. So I guess you’re not to blame for how things turned out in the end.

I didn’t know you very well, but I knew quite enough. You were cute, single, funny and you were into me. I should have left you that night out when you tried to kiss me. I should have said “Look, you’re really sweet and all, but I have boyfriend who I really love, so this isn’t going to happen”. Instead, I just brushed it off, winking at you and slapping your grabby hands away. I understand how it must have seemed to you. Maybe I liked living a (fake) single life and wasn’t prepared to end it just yet. Maybe I enjoyed it a bit _too much_.

Like I said, I should have just stopped seeing you then. But I couldn’t. We were friends, great friends, and you could always put a smile on my face. I felt good when I was around you. We never did anything, we hardly even hugged each other, but I guess there was always a feeling lurking that something _could_ happen. If the moment was right.

And then tonight. It was a mistake inviting you to my party. I can see that now. I can see how it had looked to Liam, with me being draped all over your shoulders. But I didn’t think it would be a big deal when I invited you. (Or maybe I knew how it would look, and I just didn’t care.) I don’t even know if I really _was_ flirting with you, like I was accused of being. It’s really hard to tell when I’m with you. I don’t know I was just drunk and overly social, and he drunk and overly jealous. It’s just the way I act around you, like I can’t help it.

Either way, it ended with his heartbreak and my tears.

Such a fucking shit night, really.

These are the things spinning through my mind as I try to figure out what to do, what my next move should be. Do I go home with you and commit the crime I am already accused of? Or do I go back and try to fix things? Can I fix it? I don’t know.

You’re so close to me and I turn to look at you again. We sit there, foreheads resting against each other, our mouths just out of reach. A few of your curls tickle my face. The night is silent around us. There’s no one around. My eyes are drawn to your lips every few seconds and I wait for you to lean in and close the distance, to seal the deal. I can tell that you want to.

But nothing.

We just. Stare at each other’s lips for what feels like an eternity.

Ever the gentleman, you don’t want to force this onto me. Clearly you want it to be my decision. And I suppose that’s not more than right. It is I who will have to deal with this in the morning, and therefore my call.

Here goes, I think and –

Nothing. I do nothing.

Because I suddenly see him instead of you.

And suddenly my brain starts screaming at me to get away, get away from you before I do something – someone – I’ll regret.

Finally, I look away. The moment is lost.

“Look, I should probably be going home,” I say.

You nod. “Yeah. You should.” Is that disappointment I hear in your voice? “I’ll walk with you.”

We get up and start walking in silence. A block away from where I live, you stop. In case he’s up, peeking through the curtains, waiting for me.

“I’m sorry for fucking things up.”

“That’s okay. I’ll see you around, when things quiet down, okay?”

“Yeah.”

We hug, and I guess that’s the last time. Then you leave and I watch your back disappear into the summer night. A sigh escapes my lips and I realize that I didn’t know I had been holding my breath.

When I reach our building, I stop and glance up at my apartment. There is still a light on in one of the windows. I should’ve known he’d wait up for me. So I guess it’s time to go home. I don’t know what will face me but I’m honestly too tired to care. I’ve made my choice and now I deal with the consequences.

And with that, it will be the last of this, of us.

I hope.

Oh god, I really hope.

**Author's Note:**

>  _And I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this//The reasons all have run away but the feeling never did//It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live//Cause what is simple in the moonlight, by the morning never is._  
>  \- lua.
> 
> thank you for reading!


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